Star Trek: Start to Finish

Whom Gods Destroy

Whom Gods Destroy (Memory Alpha; Video) is a great little episode filled with crazy people. It’s fun and smart and damn hilarious.

Kirk and Spock beam down to Elba 2, where the last fifteen criminally insane people in the galaxy are housed in an asylum. They bear medicine to cure their insanity.

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But as you would expect, the asylum has been taken over by the madmen. They’re all extras with the exception of an Orion Slave Girl and Garth of Izar, a former starship captain who has picked up the ability to transform himself to look like anyone he’s seen. Handy, that.

Garth is played wonderfully by Steve Ihnat; his manic swings from rage to joy to logic and back again are well written and ably performed. He’s one of the best villains in the entire series, and he manages to attain that rank without ever being a real threat to anybody but Kirk, since he’s trapped on this little world and delusional about what would happen if he escaped.

The Orion Slave Girl is Marta, again played well by Yvonne Craig, who played Batgirl in the old Adam West Batman. Here she’s a crazy vixen who meets her end onscreen quite a bit more horribly than I expected.

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This episode also has what may well be the first which-doppelgänger-should-I-shoot scene ever, and manages to do so without being terribly obvious about the resolution. I was quite amazed.

Best Bit of Dialog

Marta: [quotes Shakespeare’s Sonnet XVIII]
Garth: You wrote that?
Marta: Yesterday, as a matter of fact.
Garth: It was written by an Earth man named Shakespeare a long time ago!
Marta: Which does not change the fact that I wrote it yesterday!

Grade

A-; would be a solid A if not for the echoes between this episode and Dagger of the Mind

A Piece of the Action

A Piece of the Action (Memory Alpha; SD Video) is incredibly silly. No, no, more than that. Incredibly silly.

The Enterprise arrives at a planet that was visited by a Federation ship a hundred years ago, “before the non-interferance directive went into effect.” In that time, the inhabitants have completely transformed their culture into an exact replica of 1920s mob controlled Chicago.

The crime bosses are the closest the world has to a government, so the Enterprise tries to negotiate with them… by going native. Kirk and Spock dress up in zoot suits, carry around tommy guns, and speak in fantastically bad accents.

Now, this is all very, very ridiculous. But it’s also hilarious. This episode is completely, over-the-top silly, and it just revels in it. We get the traditional figuring-out-how-to-drive scene, the transporting-unsuspecting-people scenes, the behold-our-awesome-magic scenes, but the best parts is the crazy mob talk:

Okmyx: The most cooperative man in this world is a dead man. And if you don’t keep your mouth shut you’re gonna be cooperating.

That’s gold.

Grade

A- for being hilarious

D for being as totally non-canonical as you could possibly hope to be.

The Trouble with Tribbles

The Trouble with Tribbles (Memory Alpha; SD Video) is a great concept with a whole lot of teh funnies, but a very poorly constructed episode.

We start with a very clunky exposition scene with Kirk, Spock, and Chekov talking in the conference room. Where are we going? Space Station K7! Why are we going there? To prove we’re better than the Klingons!

Wait! A Priority One Alert Call! Says Kirk, “we can only assume the Klingons have attacked.” You have an alert call that leaves you making assumptions about what has happened? Seriously? Maybe you should send actual words.

When the Enterprise reaches the station, they find that it’s just the panicky Undersecretary of Agricultural Affairs Nilz Baris, who wants a few more security guards, if anyone happens to have them.

Wait, wasn’t this episode supposed to have Tribbles in it?

Why, yes. Let’s have a poorly edited scene where Uhura and Chekov overhear a long bartering conversation about the price of Tribbles.

Oh, it is quite a long scene, isn’t it?

And quite pointless, too. Upshot: Uhura gets a Tribble.

Wait, Klingons! A Klingon ship appeared! And they have demands! They want… shore leave! [Cue dramatic chord]

Aside: the Klingon captain is the squire of Gothos.

Now there’s drinking! In this corner: Scotty has scotch, a man’s drink. In that corner, Chekov has vodka, a real drink! Are everyone’s cultural stereotypes firmly fastened? FIGHT!

Wait, you’re fighting the Klingons! That could start an international incident!

Wait, you’re still fighting the Klingons? This fight is a little long, here.

Meanwhile, on the Enterprise:

McCoy: Spock, I may not know much about these little Tribbles yet, but I have discovered one thing.
Spock: Oh?
McCoy: I like them. Better than I like you.
Spock: They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic.
McCoy: What’s that?
Spock: They do not talk too much.

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But McCoy and Spock do discover something: the Tribbles are everywhere! Like, in the grain that Baris is so eager to protect! (If you forgot who Baris is, he’s the one who issued to Priority One Alert looking for security guards way back in Act One. He’s interesting in that he and Kirk are just outright mean to each other, which is a relationship dynamic that this show doesn’t use very often, especially between high-ranking officials).

But back to the Tribbles! They’ve eaten all the grain! Without it, the Federation can’t prove that they’re better than the Klingons! Oh no! It looks bleak, but then we learn that the grain was poisoned in a nefarious Klingon plot, to which the Klingon ship is an extraneous and altogether uninterested side party. This, somehow, makes things better.

Speaking of better, the Enterprise is Tribble free! McCoy, Spock and Scotty just rounded up all the little buggers and transported them onto the Klingon ship! International incident that we narrowly avoided earlier in the episode: bring it on!

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Grade

B+; this episode is simply different than anything else. It’s whimsical and funny, and it goes to great lengths not to take itself too seriously. But given an even cursory glance it kind of falls apart. Still, it’s The Trouble with Tribbles; how can you grade that badly?

I, Mudd

I, Mudd (Memory Alpha; SD Video) features the return of Harcourt Fenton Mudd. But first, we see that whoever designed the Enterprise was an idiot.

I mean, who puts auxiliary control so far away, leaves it manned by a single guy facing away from the only entrance, and gives it complete override of the bridge? Because that guys should be fired.

Aside from the poor design of the Enterprise, though, this episode is pretty good. And that’s after another lag-filled viewing experience.

Let’s start right off with this bit of dialog, which you can click on to hear the full effect:

Kirk: In the meantime, would you mind leaving us?
Androids: Why should we leave you?
Kirk: Because. We don’t like you. Now: boo-boo-boo-boop!

But as to the actual story, this episode doesn’t stand head and shoulders above its peers, but it’s a neat idea: what if the androids from What Are Little Girls Made Of were still around by the thousands, looking for someone to serve, and they found Harry Mudd?

And then, what if they found him wanting? What if they wanted more humans to serve? And here’s the kicker: what if they were actually good at serving? So good that it’s tempting to just sit around and let them do the work while you play with their awesome technology? Would you really object to it?

Kirk does. Kirk’s on this whole necessity-of-freedom thing. And I agree with Kirk. And although they could make the just-say-yes decision a little more tempting than they do, this episode handles that basic problem well: is technology a aide to being truly human, or a distraction? Does too much technology tip the balance? And how much is too much?

Grade

B+

This Side of Paradise

This Side of Paradise (Memory Alpha; SD Video) takes our favorite crew on a mission to find whatever happened to the Sandoval Expedition, which landed on Omicron Ceti III back before the Federation discovered that the Berthold Rays in this part of the galaxy would kill all life on the planet after a week of exposure.

Now it’s a little silly that the Enterprise is going to make sure that the Berthold Rays did actually kill the expedition, but that’s a small setup price to pay for what is really quite a good episode.

Of course, when they land, what do they discover?

McCoy: On pure speculation– just an educated guess– I’d say that that man is alive.

This episode plays out in the by-now-established routine: mysterious happening, unhelpful natives, danger to the ship, nadir, lucky breakthrough, and resolution.

But what makes the episode shine is Spock’s story. On the planet is Leila, whom Spock knew years before on Earth, and who had loved him. Because Spock’s not into this whole “emotions” thing she got burned. But because of this planet, Spock gets another, better chance.

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The planet is home to a plant that provides the body with healing, and in the process creates contentment bordering on euphoria. Spock, here and here alone, can love Leila. But in order to save the ship, he must give that up. Spock has one chance to really, truly be happy, and this is the story of how duty forces him to give that up for the greater good. It’s well written and well played.

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Best Bit of Ironic Dialog

Kirk: Make sure the landing party works in teams of two; I don’t want anyone left alone down here! [Stomps away from Bones alone, as the doctor stands alone]

Grade

B+

The Corbomite Maneuver

When you’re being tormented by multihued geometric objects, you have to take drastic action. The only thing that can save you is… The Corbomite Maneuver! (Memory Alpha; HD Video)

Aside from the (somewhat intentional) silliness of being chased by shapes, this episode is actually pretty good. But CBS.com decided to be terribly laggy today; it took me about two and a half hours to get through this fifty minute episode. The fact that I still think it was good after that is an excellent indicator that it was.

This episode has a slew of awesome dialog:

• McCoy: [Talking to himself, after Kirk exits] If I jumped every time a light flashed around here I’d end up talking to myself.

• Bailey: Raising my voice back there doesn’t mean I was scared or could do my job; it means I happen to have a human thing called an adrenaline gland.
  Spock: Sounds most inconvenient. Consider having it removed.
  Sulu [chuckles]

• Kirk: What’s next, “they aren’t machines?”
  McCoy: They aren’t. After what these men have been through–
  Kirk: [Taking a drink from the good doctor] Doctor McCoy, I have heard you say that man is ultimately superior to any mechanical device.
  McCoy: No, I never say that either.
  Kirk: [Puzzled] I could have sworn I heard you say that.

• Kirk: When I get my hands on the headquarters genius that assigned me a female yeoman…
  McCoy: What’s the matter, Jim, don’t you trust yourself?
  Kirk: I’ve already got a female to worry about; her name’s the Enterprise.

This episode shows Kirk the tactician, which should be obvious from the title. But it also allows the crew, forced into a no-win situation, to demonstrate what they think matters. Spock almost admits that he’s sorry about not providing Kirk with options before revising it to “regret.” McCoy is badgering Kirk for being too hard on the crew. And Kirk is fighting like hell to get out of the sitaution.

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This episode also has a very nice plot twist or three: the overworked navigator who unexpectedly tries to make up for past mistakes, the gambit so silly it works, and the ending that reminded me quite strongly of Encounter at Farpoint/All Good Things.

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Grade

A-

Mudd’s Women

The Enterprise is chasing down a ship, and on it are Mudd’s Women (Wikipedia; HD Video). Mudd (alias Leo Walsh) is beamed aboard with three beautiful women moments before their ship is destroyed by an asteroid.

But the Enterprise burnt out all but one of their dilithium crystals chasing “that jackass Walsh,” to borrow Scotty’s phrase. So they set course for Rigel XII to get some more while Mudd’s women beguile the crew of our favorite starship.

The crew can’t figure it out; these women aren’t any more attractive than other women. Spock certainly can’t figure it out; since he’s (according to Mudd) “part Vulcanian,” he’s not subject to their wiles (I believe that this is the first time Spock has been anything other than “half alien”).

Kirk and McCoy ponder, in one of the funniest bits of dialog so far:

Kirk: What are they, Bones?

McCoy: You mean, are they alien illusions, that sort of thing?

Kirk: I asked you first.

McCoy: No, an alien smart enough to pull this would be smart enough to stop my medical scanner from going bleep!

Kirk: I don’t follow you.

McCoy: I don’t either.

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It turns out that the girls are taking Venus Drugs, which emphasize whatever attributes they already have. Kirk eventually tricks Eve into taking a placebo and convinces her that all she needed was confidence. Kirk is incorrect in this summation; Eve is much hotter when drugged up.

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Also of note: this is the first appearance of a speaking computer. Majel Barret (who later went on to marry Gene Roddenberry) did the voice of the computer (“Incorrect!”) as well as every Star Trek computer up to and including the recently-released movie.

Grade

A-

The Naked Time

Without question, The Naked Time (Wikipedia; HD Video) is the best of the episodes I’ve seen so far.

Spock and Joey go down to an outpost to see why they aren’t responding, and they find that everyone died doing crazy things. Joey gets goo on him and brings the crazy back to the Enterprise.

The crazy removes inhibitions, so the actors get to explore their characters without having to filter them. This makes for some really awesome scenes (Spock, Kirk) and some hilarious ones (O’Reilly; Sulu).

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Although Nimoy has some trouble with his teary-eyed loss of control, the content is great: it’s almost verbatim what Kirk says to Spock in the JJ Abrams Star Trek movie to piss him off.

And Kirk’s ode to the ship is similarly smart. The Enterprise really is Kirk’s love, and the lines Shatner is given really do that relationship justice.

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It is also the birth of technobable (“water has become a complex chain of molecules”; “controlled implosion”) and the first time we see a replicator (although it has no name yet).

Also interesting: the captain’s log is told from a perspective after the episode ends, so Kirk can say things like “unknown to us, a totally new and unusual disease has been brought aboard.”

Spock uses a slide rule at one point. While he’s sitting at his computer console. Funny enough, this makes perfect sense given computing power in the 60s.

Best Ironic Quote

Kirk: “Don’t tell me that, Science Officer! It’s a theory; it’s possible!”

Grade

A+